This morning sad news was announced as the
author Sue Townsend died (well known for her Adrian Mole books, but all round
prolific and wonderful writer). Two days ago I finished her book “The woman who
went to bed for a year”, a book that compelled me to laugh out loud, reflect
upon the spirits of people, and of whom at the end cares the most for each one
of us. I really enjoyed the book. As I read the back end of the book two facts
sparked an extra, personal interest: blind, kidney transplant. Linking those
two together I immediately thought of diabetes complications. After a quick
search I found Sue Townsend was just like me a diabetes type 1 person since the
80’s. After reading it, I tucked my feelings on these two facts away to the
back of my head.
This morning those feelings stormed to the
front again as I read that Sue Townsend was dead. That fact scared the hell out
of me. I saw the upcoming years: loosing eye sight, reduced – stopped - kidney
function, stroke. I am scared of endings, I am scared of death, scared for me,
for my loved ones, for the unknown, for the reducing of my own autonomy.
A letter came a month ago, that I needed to
get my eye screening appointment set, I had ignored it. Why? Because I am
scared of my own disease at times, and I have the tendency to flee from
personal topics of anxiety. I know fleeing never helps on such occasions, but
it is clinging on to the utopia of life and how I imagine it: ideal, healthy.
So, an hour ago I got up, picked up the
phone and made the dreaded appointment. I need to stay in optimal condition for
as long as possible, I owe it to my mum, my son, my partner and myself.
We must all live our own life, with whatever
life has in store for us. Being scared only helps in extreme situations where
caution is needed, in all other occasions we must face fear, and tackle it by
either learning on how to overcome it, or reflecting on what the real basis of
this fear is. It also means one must understand and look for that which makes
us tick. For me understanding the learning process, looking for solutions that
involve technology is a pleasure. Research, talking, thinking. To me learning,
either face-to-face, online, any type of blended, is necessary to direct all of
us towards trust, life, joining hands. Learning from people we like, support
us, whom we support. Professionally I am on a good track.
Personally it is about connecting to people
I care about. Partners, friends, colleagues (virtual and IRL), sharing, caring,
supporting, dreaming.
Easter is coming, the flowers are out,
spring is shining, and at this point in time I live, I love and I am thankful
for all the wonderful people and opportunities that surround me. Life is in the
living.
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