There is
something that happens when people get their death certificate. When Steve Jobs
addressed the Stanford students (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc) he
got a lot of one-liners out: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living
someone else’s life” and “Sometimes
life hits you in the head with
a brick. Don't lose faith. Stay hungry. Stay foolish”. A lot of us nodded when we heard those words and
we think “yes man!” but do we act upon this call for action? Do I act upon it, or
do I simply keep seated in my chair, behind the same desk I have seen for 5
consecutive years? Do I take what I have learned in these past few years and
move towards a new, personal knowledge action goal? Will I live my life? Will you?
Randy Pausch
had the same urgency to get some meaningful thoughts out there, when he knew he
was on the verge of dying (see his last lecture here http://www.cmu.edu/randyslecture/
). His main idea was, never accept a NO for an answer and to live your dreams.
He dreamed and through his actions he created, just like Steve Jobs did. Do I
live my dream? Was my dream to listen to others simply because this keeps me in
a safe place? Or do I act upon the nod I gave when I heard Randy Pausche’s speech?
The thing
is, I am a nice person. I want to be nice, friendliness does not come natural
to me, it is a choice. The only thing is, I am beginning to wonder whether this
choice was/is not merely an excuse not to step on anyone’s toes… maybe I
deluded myself that nice would keep me safe from harm and it would get me somewhere. Being nice, simply keeps
me in a non-threatening space, but then… non-threatening spaces never got
my mind into a mental high. Am I really happy to live without a higher goal? To
simply earn enough money to make my life comfortable? Thinking about this makes
me feel so … grey, so part of a grey, robotic like commuting group… I cannot
help myself to remember the movie Brazil, in which bureaucracy is so well
depicted. Shifting papers in the illusion to be part of something bigger… but when the boss no longer looks, shift to bread and games for comfort.
So who am
I? I am in the mainstream, working for a company whose major focus is not on education,
but on health research which is a wonderful thing, but ... unless you are a doctor, I will not move beyond a certain echelon. I travel to conferences at occasions, giving speeches
which I like… but I have the feeling I never move beyond this mainstream flow
of consciousness, however, my heart and head want to, they are hungry for it.
At times – in the past - I got myself out there on a limb and … that felt good.
But the last few years I seem to have lost the courage (not the urge!) to
position myself out there on the edge. I feel that if I stay at this mainstream
space that I build for myself, I will never accomplish anything which will
satisfy my heart and soul… dying soulless is not something to look forward to.
The only
thing is: what would be meaningful in learning? What do I belief that needs to
be changed? Or is this question yet again a simple excuse, whispered in my ear
by the demon that wants to keep me in the same place, for years, so change
would never happen? How are your demons doing after thinking about death, after
listening to Steve Jobs?