This morning sad news was announced as the author Sue Townsend died (well known for her Adrian Mole books, but all round prolific and wonderful writer). Two days ago I finished her book “The woman who went to bed for a year”, a book that compelled me to laugh out loud, reflect upon the spirits of people, and of whom at the end cares the most for each one of us. I really enjoyed the book. As I read the back end of the book two facts sparked an extra, personal interest: blind, kidney transplant. Linking those two together I immediately thought of diabetes complications. After a quick search I found Sue Townsend was just like me a diabetes type 1 person since the 80’s. After reading it, I tucked my feelings on these two facts away to the back of my head.
This morning those feelings stormed to the front again as I read that Sue Townsend was dead. That fact scared the hell out of me. I saw the upcoming years: loosing eye sight, reduced – stopped - kidney function, stroke. I am scared of endings, I am scared of death, scared for me, for my loved ones, for the unknown, for the reducing of my own autonomy.
A letter came a month ago, that I needed to get my eye screening appointment set, I had ignored it. Why? Because I am scared of my own disease at times, and I have the tendency to flee from personal topics of anxiety. I know fleeing never helps on such occasions, but it is clinging on to the utopia of life and how I imagine it: ideal, healthy.
So, an hour ago I got up, picked up the phone and made the dreaded appointment. I need to stay in optimal condition for as long as possible, I owe it to my mum, my son, my partner and myself.
We must all live our own life, with whatever life has in store for us. Being scared only helps in extreme situations where caution is needed, in all other occasions we must face fear, and tackle it by either learning on how to overcome it, or reflecting on what the real basis of this fear is. It also means one must understand and look for that which makes us tick. For me understanding the learning process, looking for solutions that involve technology is a pleasure. Research, talking, thinking. To me learning, either face-to-face, online, any type of blended, is necessary to direct all of us towards trust, life, joining hands. Learning from people we like, support us, whom we support. Professionally I am on a good track.
Personally it is about connecting to people I care about. Partners, friends, colleagues (virtual and IRL), sharing, caring, supporting, dreaming.
Easter is coming, the flowers are out, spring is shining, and at this point in time I live, I love and I am thankful for all the wonderful people and opportunities that surround me. Life is in the living.